Morning Smile

[bart]

Originally Posted by James Tanner - Bryston

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa

began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.. In his frustration,he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor.

He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom. Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree .

Not a lot of people know this

[James Tanner - Bryston]

Wisdom of Phyllis Diller


As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

My photographs don't do me justice -they look just like me.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'

The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

[gbaby]

Originally Posted by James Tanner - Bryston

Wisdom of Phyllis Diller


As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

My photographs don't do me justice -they look just like me.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'

The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

Nice quotes.

[bart]

Originally Posted by gbaby

Nice quotes.

Yes James! Thank you.

[edkoz]

Originally Posted by James Tanner - Bryston

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa

began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.. In his frustration,he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor.

He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom. Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree .

Not a lot of people know this

Thank you sooo much for the santa joke! It really started my day off with a great chuckle
ed

[James Tanner - Bryston]

https://www.facebook.com/onlyincanad...538878232/?t=0

[Masterlu]

Originally Posted by James Tanner - Bryston

https://www.facebook.com/onlyincanad...538878232/?t=0

[James Tanner - Bryston]

https://youtu.be/FutGhjdrxT0?t=1

[James Tanner - Bryston]

As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite
crowded and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in
the house.

Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table, asked
him something in French (which Murphy could not understand), so he motioned
to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down.

He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language.
After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a
napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded,
so he ordered a glass of wine for her.

After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin and
drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. They left the
bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic
music.

They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture
of dancing.

She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and
the band was packing up.

Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a
four-poster bed.

To this day, Murphy has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture
business.

[bart]

Hahaha James, poor Murphy!