Apple Card Use Reqt's generate a rash of hiliarious memes

[Puma Cat]

Apple debuted its Apple Card with a strict set of use requirements:

From the Apple Card support document:

"If your titanium Apple Card comes into contact with hard surfaces or materials, it's possible that the coating can be damaged."

Thus:

1. Store your titanium Apple Card in a wallet, pocket, or bag made of soft materials.
2. Place your card in a slot in your wallet or billfold without touching another credit card. If two credit cards are placed in the same slot your card could become scratched.
3. Don't place or store your titanium Apple Card card near magnets. If your card is placed close to a magnetic latch on a purse or bag, the magnetic strip can become demagnetized.
4. Don't place your titanium Apple Card in a pocket or bag that contains loose change, keys, or other potentially abrasive objects.

Additionally, be warned: Household cleaners, compressed air, aerosol sprays, solvents, ammonia and abrasives are also all too harsh for the dainty card.

And....here's the capper:
"Some fabrics, like leather and denim, might cause permanent discoloration that will not wash off."

All these strict requirements immediately resulted in lots of hiliarious memes and posts on Twitter:

"Don’t put the Apple Card in your wallet. Hang in a floating glass frame in a dimly lit, year round 70 degree, humidity controlled location. No flash photography please."


yes i promise to never put it in my wallet or wear pants i guess

Never place near other cards.
Do not look directly at card.
Annoint with myrrh and francincense once per month.

tired: let's get rid of headphone jacks
wired: f*ck wallets and pants


If Apple Card begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head.
Apple Card may stick to certain types of skin.
Do not taunt Apple Card.

“Soon to be announced: a $500 wallet designed specifically for the Apple Card,”

Apple to release “Apple Card Cloth” in 2020. $789.

And, of course, the new iSock:



Apple says clean Apple Card with an essential oils-soaked citrus peel and store it in a climate-controlled vault accessible only by those who solve the riddle of the Sphinx

And, my favorite:
Do not look directly at Apple Card. Do not speak to Apple Card. Do not denigrate Apple Card in Its Holy Presence. When not in use, Apple Card should be returned to a uniformly lit white cube containing only a British man softly repeating al-lu-min-ee-um.

Some folks said that the strict Apple Card requirements reminded them of the classic SNL "Happy Fun Ball" video skit. LOL.
https://youtu.be/7gzDC-2ZO8I

Ah, yes. Apple, once again, placing form over function to the extent where products are often rendered useless from any practical perspective. I've been saying for a while now that Apple Corporate has completely "lost the plot", as the Brits say.

Now, I'm convinced of it: https://youtu.be/wg9579wvLFE

[Route 66]

OMG, that is beyond hilarious!

I'm gonna go right out and pick mine up today so that I can frame it in a bullet proof case and place it on my mantle.

[Puma Cat]

Originally Posted by Route 66

OMG, that is beyond hilarious!

I'm gonna go right out and pick mine up today so that I can frame it in a bullet proof case and place it on my mantle.

Sounds appropriate for its holiness, Apple Card.

After all, its titanium....

[Route 66]

Originally Posted by Puma Cat

Sounds appropriate for its holiness, Apple Card.

After all, its titanium....

I always thought that titanium was indestructible.

apparently not when it's in the form of a credit card.

[Puma Cat]

Originally Posted by Route 66

I always thought that titanium was indestructible.

apparently not when it's in the form of a credit card.

No, you're right, Titanium is pretty much indestructable. Its also highly corrosion resistant, tough, strong, durable, and hypo-allergenic (which is why it is used in dental and orthopedic implants).

Bicycle frame manufacturers that build bike frames out of titanium generally leave the frame unpainted and just put on their company graphics as die-cut decals. You can take a Merlin or Lightspeed titanium-framed mountain bike, beat the frickin' crap out of it off-road, run it through the mud, sand, and rain and just hose it off, and it woud look and work like new.

Only Apple could f*ck up something as tough and durable as Ti with all their fancy coatings and "prettification" to the point where Ti could also be stained, scratched, or corroded.

[Route 66]

Originally Posted by Puma Cat

Only Apple could f*ck up something as tough and durable as Ti with all their fancy coatings and "prettification" to the point where Ti could also be stained, scratched, or corroded.

When you're right, you're right!