[Down Under]

Originally Posted by James Tanner - Bryston

1) I found out that it's not good to talk about my troubles. Eighty percent of the people who hear them don't care and the other twenty percent are glad you're having them.

2) My wife says I have only two faults. I don't listen and some other crap she was rattling on about.

3) I just read a book on marriage that says, "Treat your wife like you treated her on your first date." So after dinner tonight, I'm dropping her off at her parents' house.

4) Thanks for your order from our sex shop. You asked for the large Red Dildo as featured on our wall. Please reselect...That is our Fire Extinguisher.

5) Do you want to know the secret to making your wife/partner go Mmmmmmm, mmmmmmm, mmmmmmmm all night? Duct Tape.

6) I hate people that say, "He's a nice person once you get to know him." They might as well just say, "He's a prick but you'll get used to it!"

7) I was at the local swimming pool today and decided to have a sneaky piss in the deep end. The Lifeguard must have noticed. He blew his whistle so loud that I nearly fell in.

8) The phone rings and the wife answers. A pervert breathing heavily says, "I bet you have a tight ass with no hair." The wife reply's, "Yes I do.

Brilliant!
We are sitting around with tears from laughing so much.