I don't know what others think- but I like this "outer" monologue that you are having.
I fight the urge to want more all the time. more this more that, with music as almost a religious experience many us want to be closer to the "signal" or the artist.
We all hem and haw over things and some just say "MAKE A DECISION!" - whatever path you take I am almost certain you knew exactly why, when, and how.
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